If The Show Could Get Any Weirder
by DawnrunnerMoon
Summary: Random One Piece hilarity. Extremely weird, read at your own risk. Of sanity.
1. Too Many Marines

One Piece

Luffy: OF CAKE! *jumps onto Zoro's head*

Zoro: *throws Luffy into the ocean*** **What do you mean 'of cake'?

Nami: You know you have to go save him now.

Chopper: I'll do it!

Nami: . . .

Zoro: . . .

Sanji:: . . .

Usopp: . . .

Robin: . . .

Luffy: x_x

Zoro: Why does it always have to be me? *rolls his eyes*

Nami: because you two are shipped *pushes him into the water*

Sanji: But what about me and Zoro?

Nami: *glares at Sanji, and raises her fist menacingly*

Sanji: Or what about me and you Nami-san! *runs over, heart eyes popping out of his head*

Usopp: What's Zoro doing behind the ship? And where's Luffy?

Zoro: *looks around* Crap. I'm lost!

Luffy: *gets spit out of the ocean by a giant sea king* MEAT CAKES!

Zoro: ***s**uddenly back on the ship* How'd I get here?

Luffy: *crashes into Zoro*

Usopp: ZoLu feels ;D

Sanji: ZoLu whats?

Robin: Feels. They're –

Nami: It doesn't matter. Where's Chopper?

Chopper: *sinking to the bottom of the ocean*

Nami: o_o

Zoro: o_o

Robin: o_o

Usopp: o_o

Sanji: o_o

Luffy: I want MEAT!

Chopper: *still drowning*

Chaka: Don't worry, I saved him *drops Chopper onto the deck of the Going Merry*

Zoro: Um . . . do we know who you are?

Chaka: I'm you-know-who.

Usopp:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *attempts to jump off the boat, trips and knocks himself out*

Chaka: Don't you remember me from Arabasta?

Luffy: It's the dog man.

Nami: Did you bring me my million beli? *smile connivingly*

Chaka: *blank stare*

Luffy: Chaka the Baka, Chaka the Baka *runs into a wall*

Nami: *puches Chaka, who falls off the boat* The captain's down, I'm in charge, FULL SPEED AHEAD!

*Going Merry mysteriously ends up in Navarone/G8/who cares*

Nami: What the HELL is this place!

Usopp: Let's GTFO

Commander Jonathan: Not on my watch!

Luffy: *mumbling as he sits up* Whose watch are we on?

Nami: We're not on a watch you idiot! *smacks Luffy in the head*

Jessica: You're not leaving until you eat the delicious meal I just prepared!

Sanji: A beautiful lady, and a cook . . . it was meant to be!

Commander Jonahan: That's my wife you pervert!

Sanji: *whispers to himself* not for long.

Robin: *creepily kills all the marines while no one is watching* I wonder who did that. What a cruel thing to do.

Chopper: *wakes up and witnesses Robin killing everyone, starts trembling* wtf

Zoro: Morning already?

Jessica: No! It's almost 9:00 and I just made dinner!

Commander Jonathan: 9:00, mwahahahahah!

Nami: *whispers to Robin* wtf, does he have some strange fetish with that time or something?

Robin: Oh sorry, were you talking to me? *snaps marines neck*

Zoro: Can we leave?

Sanji: Not before I kiss Jessica-swan!

*The Going Merry sails out of Navarone despite the fact that there isn't any water there any more*

Luffy: I see an island! See, right there!

Zoro: Oh yeah, *does a double-take* No you idiot! That's a marine ship!

Nami: Uh, guys get the, uh . . . sail thingy-s, NOW!

Usopp: ?

*The Merry takes off, completely avoiding the ship*

Luffy: Oi Zoro, that was a close one!

Smoker: Uh . . . yes it was.

Usopp: Zoro, you look a little old, and gray-green. Are you all right?

Zoro: I'm over – OH SHIT! Dad? What are you doing here?

Smoker: What . . . I need a reason to check in on my son?

Luffy: . . .

Robin: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Nami: . . .

Usopp: . . .

Chopper: . . .

Zoro: Akdhhueaoenngukuserdncjkads! YES!

Tashigi: Wait, Smoker . . . you're his dad?! *pukes into the ocean*

Chopper: Quick, quick call a doctor! *ignored*

Smoker: No Tashigi, I'm not really his dad.

Zoro: Wait, what?

Smoker: I'm actually you from a parallel universe, but when I came here I had to change my name, and Tashigi is actually –

Zoro: NOOOOO! Don't say it. She can't be. No way in HELL is she . . . no. Just no.

Smoker: No, I was just going to say her real name is Clom. I met her after I came here. She just didn't like the name Clom. And honestly . . . who would?

Nami: Wait, let me get this straight, no . . . nevermind, I don't wanna know.

Zoro: But, what about Kuina?

Smoker: Who?

Zoro: Kuina . . . the dojo, 2001 fights, lost every single one?

Smoker: Uh . . .

Zoro: *cloud of depression hangs over Zoro's head*

Luffy: Well, time to find someone else's ass to kick!

Tashigi: Smoker, um . . . where's our ship?

Smoker: Our ship . . . wait! We're shipped? EWWW!

Tashigi: *continues puking*

Chopper: We need a doctor! *continues to be ignored*

*strange whooshing sound, giant blue box appears on the deck*

The Doctor: Did someone call for a doctor?

Entire Crew: WTF!


	2. What Really Happened in Arabasta

On a small island in the middle of . . . nowhere. No wait, they're on the Grand Line. I knew that.

On the small island of . . . Arabasta (that's not an island . . . is it? Oh, it is. Well, it's certainly not small, so . . .) the Straw Hat Crew was running amok.

Nami: What are you all doing!

Vivi: I'm trying to stop the fighting.

Zoro: I'm trying to cut steel.

Luffy: I'm recovering from a horrible experience, but will soon be back to kick some ass.

Sanji: I'm trying to kill this guy without hurting Nami-san's lovely face.

Usopp: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Chopper: I'm trying to learn how to play baseball, but the rules seem a bit complicated.

Robin: . . . I'm Miss All-Sunday!

Nami: Oh wait, I'm trying to fight Miss Doublefinger! *flowers pop out of the clima-tact* USOPP!

* * *

Nami vs Miss Doublefinger

Nami: Okay clima-tact. Thunder TEMPO! *doves fly out of the clima-tact*

Miss Doublefinger: Hah! That's never going to work against a skilled assassin like myself. *Sprouts thorns, and goes bat-crap crazy*

Nami: wtf is going on? *watches as Miss Doublefinger looses any illusions she had of being cool*

Miss Doublefinger: Don't you see? You're no match for my skill and talent.

Nami: ? *clima-tact electrocutes Miss Doublefinger, and successfully throws her through a concrete wall - smooth*

Nami: Yay, I won! That was a piece of cake (one piece of cake!), especially considering she's paired with one of the best assassins in the world. What a ditz. *holds clima-tact triumphantly up in the air*

* * *

Zoro vs Mr 1

Zoro: I'm going to cut steel.

Mr 1: No you're not.

Zoro: I feel the breath of your steel, and I can cut nothing. Like this palm frond. So now I can cut your steel, 'cause . . . logic.

Mr 1: *practically dies 2 seconds later* Well shit.

* * *

Sanji vs the 2nd Okama guy

*it was just strange*

* * *

Robin: Uh, this is just awkward for me, so . . . can we leave. Like now!

*The Going Merry agrees, and Robin jumps on, and runs away by herself. When the fighting is done the rest of the crew climbs into a ship meant for two people, and they set off after their nakama*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *reading*

Robin: *looks up, sees no one, continues reading*

* * *

Nami: LUFFY! Get your foot out of my face!

Sanji: Nami-san, I'll help you! Luffy, how dare you stick your disgusting smelly foot in Nami-san's lovely face!

Zoro: *snores*

Chopper: Where's Usopp? *turns around to see Usopp swimming towards them frantically*

Usopp: GUYS! Wait for me!

Zoro: *opens one eye, and groans* Just leave him.

Nami: We're not leaving him. You go get him! *kicks Zoro into the water*

Zoro: Didn't this already happen. I'm having an odd sense of déjà vu.

FLASHBACK!

Zoro: Why does it always have to be me? *rolls his eyes*

Nami: because you two are shipped *pushes him into the water*

END FLASHBACK!

Zoro: Wait – tell me nobody ships us!

Sanji: Well, is it better than me and Usopp?

Luffy: What about me?

Nami: I'm the only one who makes sense!

Zoro: Then YOU save him!

Sanji: Don't make Nami-san do something like that!

Chopper: What about ME and Usopp?

Zoro: . . .

Nami: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Luffy: . . .

Robin: *still far away on the Going Merry* . . .

Entire crew (minus Chopper and drowning Usopp): EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!

Zoro: *appears back on the ship* hold on . . . how'd I get here?

Pell: I saved your crew member. *drops Usopp onto the small boat*

Zoro: I'm getting another odd sense of déjà vu.

FLASH-

Nami: *whacks Zoro on the head* NO MORE FLASHBACKS!

Pell: I am eagle man! *soars into the air, and almost crashes into a plane – which shouldn't be in this universe, but was anyway*

Sanji: Well, that was awkward.

* * *

Robin: Hi everyone.

Everyone: Wait! When did we get back on the Going Merry?

Zoro: *moaning to himself* Why does this keep happening to me?

*music starts playing in the background, everyone looks around*

Usopp: *wakes up* Where's that coming from?

Sanji: *VERY angry* It's coming from the kitchen!

*THE PARTY DON'T START TILL I WALK IN!*

Silver Fox Foxy: HELLO! I challenge you, Straw Hat Luffy, to –

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks Foxy in face, and he goes flying off the ship*

Foxy: I'm blasting off again! *disappears into the sky as a twinkling star*

Zoro: I'm getting that weird déjà vu feeling again.

FLASHBACK!

*The Going Merry is headed up reverse mountain, when someone steps out of the shadows. It's Erik, the 1st Okama guy.*

Erik: Hello everyone. You thought you had escaped me well –

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks Erik in the face, and he goes flying off the ship*

END FLASHBACK!

Nami: ARGH! *punches Zoro in the face* I said no more FLASHBACKS!


	3. The Buggy The Laboon and Little Garden

**Uh, the title of this chapter was supposed to resemble The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but it didn't. At all. So . . . EPIC FAIL!**

Usopp: Oi, Oi, what's that glowing thing?

Zoro: Who gives a f-

Luffy: OOOHHHH COOOOOL!

Nami: Don't touch it you idiot! *puches Luffy*

Sanji: Nami-san is so cute when she's angry! *dances like a drunk weirdo*

Chopper: *hides behind the mast of the Merry . . . the wrong way* That's scary. So's the glowing thing.

Robin: Oh, Miss Navigator. It looks like treasure. It could be worth a lot.

Nami: *her eyes turn into beli symbols* Bitches get away from my treasure! *Nami grabs the glowing thing, and it explodes, separating the crew members and throwing them to who the ffff-lip knows where*

* * *

LITTLE GARDEN!

Luffy: AWESOME!

Chopper: Yeah, wait . . . where are we?

Robin: Little Garden. *smiles mysteriously*

Luffy: Don't say that so creepily!

Brogy: Gya gya gya gya *attempts to laugh, but no one knows what that really was*

Chopper: wtf . . .

Robin: I believe that was a laugh, but he might also be dying.

Chopper: CALL A DOCTOR!

Robin: No don't! Remember what happened last time!

FLASHBACK!

Chopper: We need a doctor! *continues to be ignored*

*strange whooshing sound, giant blue box appears on the deck*

The Doctor: Did someone call for a doctor?

Entire Crew: WTF!

END FLASHBACK!

Nami: (from . . . somewhere) Did somebody just FLASHBACK?! Really?!

*swooshing sound*

Robin: Too late.

The Doctor: Did somebody call for a doctor?

Luffy: Oi, it's that weird ossan again!

Robin: CLUTCH! *breaks the doctor's neck . . . oh . . . I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!*

The Doctor: *starts regenerating*

Chopper: Hey, he's glowing . . . is that some strange Devil's Fruit?

The Doctor: Oh crap! I'm not ginger! Yeah, Capaldi missed that line.

Luffy: He changed his face! It's that Okama guy!

Chopper: Who, Erik?

Robin: No the other one . . . I mean Two.

The Doctor: Actually, I'm number 13.

Author: Hold it! Hold the phone! What are you doing in this story? GTFO!

Luffy: Who me?

Author: No not you, you idiot. The ossan! The Doctor!

Chopper: Me?

Author: NO! The one with the blue box!

Robin: Mr. 2?

Author: NO! Nevermind, I'm taking you out of here.

The Doctor: What? *disappears*

Luffy: o_o

Robin: o_o

Chopper: o_o

*giant portal opens in the sky, and the three crew members are sucked into it, and taken to . . . all right. I'm just not telling you*

* * *

RANDOM SKULL ISLAND! (wait what? Oh yeah, it's from that random episode with Buggy and his crew and some miners and they were on a island with a giant skull, and I though it was important, and – nevermind)

Usopp: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *running in circles with his tongue sticking out of his mouth*

Nami: Would you cut it out for one second! Usopp! Hey, just stop! Usopp! Ugh. *punches him in the face*

Usopp: OW! Nami . . .

Nami: Nothing even happened yet, and you're flying off the handle!

Usopp: We just got teleported to . . .

Buggy: *whispers* random skull island

Usopp: Random Skull Island, and no one else is here. How is that nothing!

Nami: GET OFF MY CASE! It's nothing. Everything's fine and – MY TREASURE!

Usopp: It probably wasn't treasure to begin with!

Nami: YOU probably weren't treasure to begin with!

Usopp: *tries to figure out what that meant* Look at us bickering, we're so cute! I totally get how people ship us.

Nami: WHAT! You're annoying, and - wait. BUGGY!

Buggy: Yes, it is I! I have snuck up on you quite flashily!

Nami: Oi, Buggy! Remember this?

FLASHBACK!

Buggy: BARA BARA PARTS! *turns into a midget*

Nami: *has Buggy's body parts tied up*

Luffy: GOMMU GOMMU no BAZOOKA!

Buggy: *flies off into the distance, and turns into a twinkling star*

END FLASHBACK!

Nami: *cloud of depression hangs over her head* How could I? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Usopp: *trembles with fear* Um . . . who's this clown guy with the big red nose?

Buggy: BIG? RED? ARGH! How dare you! Now I'm going to kill you!

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks him in the face, and sends him flying*

Buggy: *flies into the sky and becomes a twinkling star*

Usopp: This reminds me off –

Nami: HELL NO! *lifts her foot to kick him in the face -*

*giant portal appears and takes them to . . . somewhere*

* * *

INSIDE LABOON!

Zoro: *stares at the person sitting across from him*

Sanji: *stares at the person sitting across from him*

Both: OH SHIT! REALLY!

Zoro: I'm stuck with you, you shitty cook! *slices at Sanji with his sword*

Sanji: Yeah, and I have to deal with you, you stupid marimo! *aims a kick at Zoro's green head*

Guy that lives in Laboon: You know people ship you right?

Zoro: . . .

Sanji: o_o

Both: *cringe in disgust*

Both: *puke simultaneously*

Guy that lives in Laboon: I ship you two.

Both: *look at each other in unison*

Both: *puke simultaneously*

Zoro: I'm leaving. NOW! *storms off somewhere purposefully*

Sanji: *lights his cigarette, and waits a few seconds*

Zoro: *walks towards the two people and freezes*

Sanji: I thought you were leaving.

Zoro: I am. Right NOW! *storms off again*

Sanji: *sighs*

Zoro: *walks towards the two people and freezes*

Sanji: Try again?

Zoro: ARGH! *storms away . . . again*

Guy that lives in Laboon: What's he doing?

Sanji: He's just directionally challenged.

Zoro: *walks towards the two people and freezes*

Sanji: Just give up.

Zoro: . . . *purposefully walks towards them*

Sanji: Where are you going?

Zoro: Towards you. *walks away from Sanji, then freezes* Where'd he go?

Sanji: *face palms*

Guy that lives in Laboon: What's that?

Sanji: Huh?

Zoro: wtf?

*giant portal opens, and takes the two pirates to, that place, that I'm not naming*

* * *

THE GOING MERRY!

Merry: *silent*

*the crew is spit up onto the deck of the Merry by a giant portal*

Luffy: WOAH! What was that?!

Robin: It was a portal.

Zoro: Duh,

Sanji: *tries to kick Zoro* Don't talk to her like that grass head!

Zoro: It's marimo!

Sanji: . . . really?

Zoro: NO! It's Zoro. I don't need a dumb nickname!

Guy that lives in Laboon: SEE? This is why I ship you two!

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks the Guy that lives in Laboon, and sends him flying off the ship, where he turns into a twinkling star*

Chopper: *really, really, really confused. Convinced that everyone needs to see the Doctor*

Usopp: *resumes his constant running, and tongue flailing* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Nami: *smacks Usopp* Well, we're back on the Merry, so the only problem now is . . . WHERE'S MY TREASURE!

Robin: . . .

Luffy: . . .

Zoro: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Usopp: . . .

Chopper: . . .

Chaka: I am your treasure! No wait, I got you your treasure! No wait, it wasn't supposed to be a treasure at all! It's revenge for the last time we met. Do you remember what happened?

FLASH-

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks Chaka in the face, and he goes flying off the ship, and almost crashes into a plane . . . déjà vu . . .

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks the author in the face, and the author and Chaka both fly into the sky and become twinkling stars*


	4. The Ships That SunkSank (?)

**So, this is probably going to be really confusing, not that the other chapters weren't, but . . . I just wanted you to be prepared for . . . well, whatever this is.**

Luffy: *really bored* NAAAAMIIIIIII! Where's the next island?

Nami: It's up your butt.

Zoro: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Robin: . . .

Zoro: Crazy witch.

Sanji: Don't call her that you ass! *kicks Zoro in the head*

Robin: Hey guys, I think I see a ship.

Luffy: *runs to the front of the boat, yelling at the top of his lungs, but trips and takes a quick detour on his face*

Zoro: Get out of my face curly eyebrow!

Nami: The ship's getting closer.

Sanji: Oi, marimo!

Zoro: Is that all you can call me?

Usopp: But what ship is it? *strokes his chin thoughtfully*

Sanji: What? I think it suits you!

Zoro: Yeah *realizes what he just said* NO!

Usopp: *still trying to figure out what ship it could be*

Sanji: I'm just teasing. I like your hair.

Usopp: . . .

Usopp: *glances over at Sanji and Zoro*

Usopp: . . .

Usopp: *lightbulb! uh yeah* The ship is . . .

Usopp: ZoSan, ZoSan , na, na, na, na, na, naaaaaaa!

Author: SHUT THE F*** UP!

Usopp: o_o

ZoSan: But I totally work!

Author: I don't give a shit! I don't ship you!

Guy that lives in Laboon: Well you should! I do. ; )

Author: Ugh, get out! You're not part of this conversation!

ZoSan: Yeah, this is between me and the HATER!

Author: What? I'm no hater! I just don't see it.

ZoLu: She likes me better!

Author's side voice: But you know ZoSan's really adorable. *hint, hint, wink, wink*

Author: SHUT UP! It's not cute, I don't like it, I've been corrupted!

ZoSan: It's not corruption. It's perfection!

Sanji: According to who?

Zoro: Me.

Sanji: WTF!

Zoro: *looks startled* No . . . I was just kidding. I would never!

Sanji: Yeah. I know you wouldn't.

ZoSan: Uh huh. And you say it doesn't work.

Author: This is all Usopp's fault! Why'd you have to bring it up?

Usopp: Don't blame me! I'm not on board either of these ships! *smiles to himself* I made a ship pun!

Nami: It wasn't funny, idiot! *punches him in the head*

Usami (totally guessed): AWESOME! I finally showed up!

Sanji: HELL NO! *kicks Usami in the face and the ship goes flying off the ship and becomes a twinkling star*

Author: Did that make any sense?

Zoro: No.

Nami: Hold on . . . what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be writing this? And, I thought I kicked you off the ship!

Usopp: Which one? *smiles again* Another ship pun!

Luffy: What's going on?

Author: When did you get back?

Nami: You're the one writing! You should know!

Usopp: ZoLu has arrived as well! Let's all board the new ship! *smiles again* Ship –

Nami: HELL NO!

Luffy: *smiles mischeviously* I'm fine with getting a new ship!

Zoro: Oh shit.

Luffy: *starts chasing Zoro around the boat*

Nami: What? Are you afraid of using the word 'ship'? Scared Usopp will make another terrible pun?

Author: *no comment*

ZoRo: What do you all think about me?

Sanji: You're a shitty marimo.

Zoro: That's not me you shitty cook!

ZoRo: I'm not Zoro! I'm Zoro and Robin. ZO – RO! Although, I guess you can't really tell.

Zoro: So, cook. You technically just called Robin a shitty marimo.

Sanji: *cloud of depression hangs over his head* How could I do such a thing. Shame on me! ROBIN-CHWAN! FORGIVE ME!

Robin: . . .

Usopp: Zoro, did you realize that it was you and Robin. Together.

Zoro: . . .

Sanji: That should make you happy, you stupid marimo! *kicks Zoro in the head, and runs over to Robin* I bet I can find a lovely ship for the two of us!

Robin: *reading* Did you say something?

Luffy: I want ATTENTION!

Usopp: *grins mischeviously* I bet Zoro can give you some attention. That ship's obviously sailed! *smiles again* Ha, ha, ship pun!

Nami: HELL NO!

Zoro: Wow, I guess ship puns are really the new flashbacks.

Nami: *steam blows out of her ears*

ZoLu: I'm with Luffy (obviously), I want attention too!

Sanji: Everyone knows about you. You see it everywhere!

Author: Yeah, and now I'm seeing ZoSan everywhere, and I'd rather not! *raises fist in the air angrily* WHY?

Luffy: *still chasing Zoro around the ship*

LuNa: Why is everyone ignoring me?

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks the ship off the ship*

Zoro: Wow, I guess LuNa's the new ship puns.

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks Zoro off the ship*

Zoro: Well, I guess I'm the new - *crashes into a plane*

Entire Crew: . . .

Chopper: *feeling ignored . . . again* Guys! Don't you want to ship me with someone?

Nami: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Robin: . . .

Usopp: . . .

Luffy: . . .

Zoro: x_x

Usopp: Well Chopper . . . any ship that you're on would surely crash . . . into an island . . . or an iceburg *he he he . . . Iceburg-san!* and it would sink, and you being a Devil's Fruit user and all would drown, and Chaka wouldn't be there to save you, and . . . Yeah!

Nami: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Robin: . . .

Luffy: . . .

Chopper: . . .

Zoro: How did I get back on the ship?

Usopp: . . . which one?

Entire Crew: HELL NO!


	5. We Need a New Author

Zoro: Where are we?

Sanji: Well I don't know.

Usopp: Where are we?

Sanji: Well I don't know.

Chopper: Where are we?

Sanji: Well –

Nami: Oh don't start that again!

Luffy: Where are we?

Robin: We're nearing an island called 'Well I don't know'.

Sanji: Oh, Robin-chwan you finally got a sense of humor! You're so pretty when you're funny!

Robin: I was being completely serious.

Nami: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Luffy: . . .

Zoro: . . .

Usopp: . . .

Chopper: . . .

Robin: The island is called 'Well I don't know'.

Zoro: We get it. You don't know. Stop telling us that.

Sanji: Oi, shithead, watch your mouth!

Usopp: Yeah Zoro! Sanji's watching your mouth too!

Zoro: What is that supposed to mean?!

Sanji: *blushing* It doesn't mean anything! Right . . . Usopp? *towers over Usopp*

Usopp: Uh, yeah. Nothing at all. *trembles*

Zoro: Oi, Usopp . . . are you Sanji's new ship puns?

Nami: HELL NO! ZORO I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU!

Sanji: I can take care of him for you!

Usopp: I bet you can.

Sanji: *kicks Usopp and he goes flying through the air and lands on the island of 'Well I don't know*

ON THE ISLAND OF 'WELL I DON'T KNOW'!

Luffy: *belches loudly* Zoro, what was with the belch?

Zoro: the f?

Luffy: *falls into the shallow water* I'm DROWNING! I'm DROWNING!

Sanji: Your not drowning now, but you will be soon if you don't shut up!

Chopper: Someone's drowning? Call a –

Robin: *covers Chopper's mouth with her hands*

Nami: Where the HELL are we?

Robin: 'Well I don't know'.

Entire Crew: We know you don't know!

Zenny: Welcome to 'Well I don't know'.

Zoro: Oh shit, what's he doing here?

Sanji: Why does it matter?

Zoro: He might try to kill us.

Nami: Do you even remember who he is?

FLASHBACK!

Zenny: I have a lot of goats. Tee HEE HEE HEE HEE! *****runs around with lots of goats.*

Sanji: wtf?

END FLASHBACK!

Nami: HELL NO! I don't even know who to kick any more! This is getting ridiculous! If I find out who did this I'm kicking them all the way back to Drum Island!

Chopper: Hey, that's where I lived! *ignored*

Luffy: Drum Island?

Zoro: Yeah, you know? The land of a thousand flashbacks. That shit went on forever.

Nami: Anyone there is doomed to a life of eternally watching flashbacks of Dr. Hiluluk naked, and trust me, the first time was scarring.

Sanji: *shudders*

Zenny: Did you guys forget about me.

Entire Crew: Yes.

Zenny: Well anyway, I was on the social media *awkward stares - wtf* and I was chatting with the Guy that lives in Laboon, and it took a little convincing, but I totally ship ZoSan now!

Zoro: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Both: *attempt to kill Zenny*

Goats: *evil stare* Hell no. *chase Zoro and Sanji around 'Well I don't know' in an obvious ZoSan moment*

Usopp: Back to that flashback –

Nami: *seething* Usopp. You are not about to flashback to a flashback.

Usopp: You know who probably keeps using them?

Nami: . . . where are you going with this? If you don't hurry up and get to the point, you will become a twinkling star faster that Luffy can eat an entire meal.

Usopp: It's the author. The author keeps using the same joke in every single story, and it's getting really old. Almost as old as . . . Zenny.

Zenny: That's offensive.

Zoro: Well I try to make the flashbacks new. Remember . . .

FLASHBACK!

Zoro: Wow, I guess ship puns are really the new flashbacks.

Zoro: Wow, I guess LuNa's the new ship puns.

Zoro: Well, I guess I'm the new - *crashes into a plane*

Zoro: Oi, Usopp . . . are you Sanji's new ship puns?

END FLASHBACK!

Nami: HELL NO! Author you realize you just copied your lame jokes from the last story and pasted them into this one! Can you honestly not come up with any new material! EVERYONE'S ALREADY READ THIS!

Zoro: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Chopper: . . .

Robin: . . .

Luffy: . . .

Nami: . . .

Usopp: . . .

Zenny: . . .

Chaka: . . .

Pell: . . .

Smoker: . . .

Tashigi: . . .

Commander Jonathan: . . .

Jessica: . . .

Miss Doublefinger: . . .

Guy that lives in Laboon: . . .

Mr. 1: . . .

The Doctor: . . .

Buggy: . . .

Brogy: . . .

Author: *could honestly not come up with any new material*

SANJILOPS THE PERVERT: Well, the author's obviously not qualified to write this. Now it's my turn!

Nami: HELL NO!

Sanjilops: Please be quiet my precious Nami-san. I'm writing.

Zoro: What do we do? Just wait until he's done?

Luffy: *still drowning in an inch of water* SAVE ME!

Sanjilops: Hold on, almost done . . . just a minute . . . hang on a sec . . . almost . . . nearly there . . . a little more . . . yea – no wait . . .

Nami: Oh my god!

Sanjilops: Hold on, almost done . . . just a minute . . . hang on a sec . . . almost . . . nearly there . . . a little more . . . yea – no wait . . .

Zoro: The author's doing it again.

Usopp: Yeah, didn't he just say that.

Sanji: WAIT! Who the f*** is this?!

Sanjilops: *looks up from his masterpiece* I'm the inner you. This is YOU! THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE GONNA BECOME!

Zoro: Yeah, Sanji. This is you. This is after you look inside yourself, and save yourself, from your other self, and then your true self reveals itself!

Robin: Isn't that from Avatar?

Nami: Now the author isn't just reusing her own work! She's taking the brilliant writing of other people! THAT'S CALLED PLAGARISM!

Author: *disclaimer* I don't own Avatar, or Zuko's famously wonderful line.

Nami: UNBELIEVABLE!

Sanjilops: IT'S DONE! Get ready for your mind to be blow by my amazing brilliance!

One day a beautiful lady named Nami was walking down the street.

Sanjilops: Just kidding. It's not about you. Sorry Nami-san. Here's the real story!

IF ZORO WAS A GIRL

By: Sanjilops

Zoro: *sleeping/tanning in a bikini*

Sanji: Zoro-chwan! *heart eyes* I brought you some –

Zoro: *opens one eye, sighs, hits Sanji in the face with the flat of her sword*

Sanji: *drunk weirdo dance* Zoro-chwan is so hot when she's angry!

Nami: Hey, why am I always cute, not hot?

Sanjilops: You know Zoro would be really hot if he was a girl.

Nami: HELL NO! *kicks Sanjilops of the ship and he goes flying into the sky, crashes THROUGH a plane, and becomes a twinkling star*

Chaka: *stares in admiration* That's how you crash into a plane.

Pell: Agreed.

Sanji: *gives Zoro a plate of food* Here you go lovely lady!

Zoro: *sighs* It probably tastes terrible. Shitty cook.

Sanji: She called me 'shitty cook'! *drunk weirdo dance*

Zoro: ?

Sanji: Zoro-chwan, what do you think about people who say 'BOOYAH-Y!'

Zoro: what the f-

Sanji: STOP RIGHT THERE! First of all, what the hell is 'booyah-y'? Second of all, I would not act like that if Zoro was a girl!

Entire Crew: Yeah you would!

Sanji: *fuming*

Zoro: That's totally how I would act if I was a girl.

Entire Crew: . . .

Zoro: I did NOT say that.

Entire Crew: Yeah you did!

Sanjilops: This is MY story! Stop ruining it!

Robin: Please, continue.

Everyone Else: . . . why?

Robin: Um . . . I want to know how it ends.

Sanjilops: See. I'm so much better than the author.

Author: *no comment*

CONTINUING 'IF ZORO WAS A GIRL'!

Zoro: uck.

*giant Luffy erupts out of the ocean*

Giant Luffy: MEEEEEEAAAAATTTTTTTT!

Zoro: Oh shit.

Sanji: Oh shit.

Zoro: What do we do?

Sanji: Wait, where's the rest of the crew?

Zoro: . . .

Rest of the Crew: *swimming away* Totally ditched you guys. *yes, swimming, even though Robin and Chopper are Devil's Fruit users, and no Nami and Usopp aren't carrying them*

Giant Luffy: I WANT MEAT! *picks up the Going Merry, and gets ready to drop it into his mouth*

Sanji: I guess this is it.

Zoro: Wait, Sanji . . . I never told you. That one time you asked . . .

Sanji: My dream is coming true!

Zoro: I didn't actually buy the milk. I made someone else do it.

Sanji: . . . *hopes and dreams crushed*

Zoro: And there's something else . . .

Sanji: *spirits rising to the heavens*

Zoro: I didn't get the eggs either.

Sanji: . . . *hopes and dreams crushed*

Zoro: And another thing . . .

Sanji: *spirits rising to the heavens*

Zoro: I ate all the cheese. I was hungry.

Sanji: . . . *hopes and dreams crushed*

Zoro: And one last thing . . .

Sanji: *spirits rising to the heavens . . . cautiously*

Zoro: I have ALWAYS LOVED YOU!

Sanji: I'M SO HAPPY, I waited so long to hear you say that! I love you too, and I've always told you that, but I thought you didn't feel the same way! I think about you every second of every day, and I –

Giant Luffy: *swallows the Going Merry, and digests Sanji and Zoro before they can enjoy their happiness together, and their newfound ZoSan-ness*

THE END OF 'IF ZORO WAS A GIRL'!

Sanjilops: He he he. I actually secretly ship ZoSan!

Guy that lives in Laboon: Yay, a new recruit! We're starting a club!

Zenny: Can I join?

Guy that lives in Laboon: Yes, but first you have to pass through . . . the ring of fire!

Nami: REALLY? You're doing it again! Isn't that Finding Nemo?

Robin: Yes. I believe it is.

Author: *no comment*

Sanjilops: Don't ignore me. It is now time for . . . THE EPIC ZOSAN . . . KISS!

Sanji: *leaning towards Zoro for the kiss (just to be clear, he's not a girl anymore)* NO! No, stop! It's the NORA (noro, noru, naro, nara . . .?) NORA BEAM all over again!

Zoro: MAKE IT STOP! *leans forward as well*

Chopper: Ew. *ignored*

Sanjilops: Here it comes! Their first kiss in this fic!

Sanji: No, bring the author back! PLEASE!

Zoro: We're sorry, just stop this madness! *inching closer to Sanji's face*

Sanji: You don't ship ZoSan. You don't want this in your fan fic!

Zoro: SAVE ME!

Author: *thinks about it, smiles mischievously*

Luffy: I've been drowning for the last hour! *jumps between Zoro and Sanji* I WANT ATTENTION!

Sanjilops: I can't stop it! It's too late!

Zoro: Oh shit!

*Zoro's lips crash into Luffy's face, and Sanji manages to pull away at the last second to avoid kissing Luffy's head*

Nami: . . .

Robin: . . .

Sanji: . . .

Usopp: . . .

Chopper: . . .

Zoro: o_o

Luffy: *smiles mischievously* I'm never letting you go now.

Zoro: o_o

Author: That's more like it.


	6. The Perverted Lamp

Nami: HOIST THE SAILS! GRAB THE THING-Y! HOLD ON TO THE MAST! GET OUT OF THAT BARREL!

Luffy: But I like barrels! *barrel rolls around and trips Wiper*

Nami: LUFFY'S AN ASS! WIPER WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE!

Wiper: *was pretending to be a lamp, but the stupid barrel ruined his plan* Uh . . . I'm a lamp.

Zoro: What the f-

Nami: FIND A ROPE! SOMEONE THROW THE LAMP OVERBOARD!

Chopper: I don't think that's necessary. *ignored*

Wiper: No, wait, I'm not a lamp . . . I . . . I'm . . . uh . . . . . . . . . I'm stupid.

Sanji: What are you doing here?

Wiper: I'm providing light.

Zoro: Yeah. For once I agree with Sanji.

Sanji: For once? Really! I'm always right.

Zoro: . . . maybe.

Sanji: Yeah, you know I'm the best!

Zoro: HELL NO!

Sanji: I'm just teasing.

Zoro: -and what the HELL are you doing! *turns on Wiper*

Wiper: *oh shit* I wasn't creepily watching you two. *side voice – I was totally being creepy*

Robin: *looks up from her book and realizes that random shit is occurring* Nothing new. *continues reading*

Usopp: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Guys it's Wiper! I totally thought he was a lamp!

Chopper: So did I. *ignored*

Sanji: Well . . . what were you doing you pervert?

Wiper: . . .

Zoro: Spit it out already.

Wiper: Uh, I . . . dshisgfsefijoafn

Nami: WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING! WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CUMULOWHATZITTHINGERMABOB CLOUD AND YOU'RE CHATTING WITH A LAMP!

Usopp: At least we're not chatting with a . . . a . . . a . . . CANDLE!

Everyone: . . . ?

Chopper: I'M A CANDLE! Won't somebody chat with ME! *ignored*

Luffy: Hey, we fell into the whirlpool and I'm gonna drown. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *ignored*

*ship pops through the whirlpool, which was actually a wormhole and they end up on top of Whiskey Peak's graveyard*

Nami: HELL NO!

Zoro: *oblivious to everything that just happened* So, why were you staring at us?

Wiper: Is this really the best time for that?

Luffy: Where are we?

Robin: We're on –

Everyone: DON'T SAY 'Well I Don't Know'!

Robin: . . . – Whisky Peak.

Zoro: You were staring . . . why? *ignored*

Chopper: Don't you get it now Zoro! We're in the same boat! *ignored*

Usopp: On the same ship? Wait, Zoro and Chopper are actually shipped!

Nami: HELL NO! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GO OVER THIS! THIS IS NOT THE SHIP STORY! THAT JOKE ENDED LIKE THREE CHAPTERS AGO! GET OVER IT!

Usopp: But it's funny!

Nami: HELL NO!

Robin: Why are you speaking in all caps?

Nami: WHAT?!

Robin: I said 'why are you speaking in all caps?'

Nami: WHAT?!

Robin: Never mind.

Usopp: Robin, why don't you try speaking in all caps?

Robin: . . .

Usopp: What?

Robin: I tried.

All of Baroque Works: He he he!

Zoro: Remember me?

Nami: DON'T FLASHBACK!

Zoro: But, it's kind of necessary, I mean . . . shit happened, I was awesome . . can't you make an exception?

Nami: . . . FINE, BUT JUST THIS ONCE, BUT YOU ONLY GET TWO LINES, AND IF YOU GO OVER THE LIMIT I'LL RAISE YOUR DEBT!

Zoro: . . . okay.

FLASHBACK!

Zoro: Hi.

Baroque Works: He, he, he, we're gonna kill you and there's a hundred of us, and one of you, and we drugged you and -

END FLASHBACK!

Zoro: Shit.

Baroque Works: I don't get it. What were we supposed to remember?

Zoro: Well, more happened, but I don't have the money to pay for it, so I'll just have to demonstrate. *kills all of the Baroque Works members*

Luffy: ZORO! What did you do!

Zoro: Not again! We could have left this part out!

Luffy: They were innocent people and you killed them all!

Zoro: You don't say anything when Robin mass murders people!

Sanji: Don't say mean things like that to Robin-chwan!

Robin: *smiles creepily* What a cruel thing of you to do Zoro.

Zoro: *backs away slowly*

Luffy: Zoro! I'm going to get you! *starts chasing Zoro around Whisky Peak*

Wiper: I didn't come here to see this shit.

Everyone: . . . what shit did you come here to see?

Wiper: . . . my own?

Everyone: the f?

Wiper: And by the way, it's not shit! It's perfection!

Sanji: Wait. Your shit's perfection?

Everyone: *pukes*

Wiper: No, not my shit! The other shit that's actually perfection!

Nami: WHERE HAVE I HEARD 'IT'S PERFECTION' RECENTLY? WAIT . . . NO . . . THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! I WON'T FLASHBACK! I CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN!

Usopp: I'll save you. I can have the flashback.

Nami: I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU EITHER!

*too late*

FLASHBACK!

ZoSan: It's not corruption. It's perfection!

END FLASHBACK!

Nami: *GRUMBLE*

Usopp: At least it was short . . .

Nami: *fuming*

Usopp: . . . sorry?

Sanji: Hold on . . . hold the phone . . . hang on a sec . . . WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

Robin: It means that our lamp is a ZoSan shipper.

Zoro: *halfway across the island* HELL NO!

Sanji: That's why you were staring!

Wiper: *grins guiltily* Yeah, I'm a spy for ZoSan shippers united.

Everyone: The f?

Wiper: Yup. Me, the Guy that lives in Laboon, Zenny, Sanjilops, Arlong, Silver Fox Foxy, Liar Norland, Crocodile, Mr. 2, Smoker and Tashigi, and you know . . . the list goes on forever.

Zoro: MY DAD/PARALLEL UNVERSE PERSON SHIPS ME AND SANJI!

Wiper: He said 'ME AND SANJI!'!

Zoro: I don't want to think about this any more.

Nami: OKAY, IF THE AUTHOR DOESN'T SHIP ZOSAN . . . WHY DOES SHE BRING IT UP IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER STUPID STORIES!

Everyone: . . .

Usopp: It means . . . the author is secretly a part of ZoSan shippers united.

Author: HELL NO! I'M PUTTING AN END TO THIS SHIT! THIS SHALL GO NO FARTHER! NO MORE ZOSAN! *probably a lie* SHUT UP SIDE VOICE! THE END!


End file.
